I write, direct, edit and produce my own emails and Facebook status updates. I sometimes do the same for movies. I have won a few awards for a couple of those movies, but really aren’t I full of myself to bring that up now?

I tell people I was born with six fingers and six toes, which is not true. But sometimes I tell people that to get a conversation going. At times, I mention that I have an extra bone in my foot. A fact which is also untrue, therefore not a fact, in fact. I once pushed my sister down the stairs and blamed it on the dog. No wait – that’s a line from The Goonies. Chunk did that, not me.

Actual facts: I’m an American male who grew up in the Go-Go ’80s and the Go-Go ’90s. I have no criminal record, but it’s not for lack of trying. I have, on occasion, found and eaten a three-chambered peanut – and for that I’m eternally grateful. I like my oatmeal lumpy.